What is Asexuality?
Asexuality is defined as not experiencing sexual attraction on some level. Some asexual people don’t feel it at all, and some only experience it rarely or under very specific circumstances. It is not celibacy or abstinence; both are a decision not to engage in sexual activities for religious or other reasons. Asexuality, like any other sexuality, is not a choice.
What is an allosexual?
Allosexual is a term created by the Asexual community to describe people who experience sexual attraction. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a slur or a derogatory term, it is a useful tool for ace people to indicate different experiences.
Asexual Allies
If you want to be a good ally to asexuals, never assume what their experience is. You might want to study up on different terms, or different identities under the umbrella. Do not assume if someone tells you they are Asexual that then gives you a right to ask invasive questions.
The Asexual Umbrella/Spectrum
The ace spectrum includes many different sexualities that do not experience sexual attraction, or who have a different relationship with it than allosexuals do. Here are just a few of those identities:
Gray Asexual
Someone who is Gray Asexual may experience sexual attraction very rarely or under extremely specific circumstances. This might also be considered an umbrella term for ace identities that are not the classic type (no attraction ever).
Demisexual
Someone who is Demisexual only experiences sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed. While it might be assumed that most people are like this, that assumption is wrong. Allosexual people might choose not to have sex with someone until they know them, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t attracted to them at all. Demisexual people are not attracted at all until the bond is formed.
Asexual and Aromantic
A very common misconception is that all Asexuals are Aromantic, and vice versa. The truth is these are two separate identities. While it can happen that some Asexual and Aromantic experiences overlap, there are also very important differences in these experiences. Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction, and Aromanticism is defined as a lack of romantic attraction. Each identity faces their own unique set of challenges.
How Do Aces View Sex?
The asexual umbrella is vast, and the only thing connecting it is the difference from allosexuals. It is always best to never make assumptions about an asexual person’s experience or view on sex.
Some asexual people can be, but are not limited to:
Sex Repulsed/Aversed
Sex repulsion is when someone is extremely uncomfortable with depiction, discussion, or other mentions of sexual activities, and will not engage in sexual activities themselves. However, this does not mean that they judge others for engaging in such activities.
Sex Neutral
Sex Neutrality is when someone really doesn’t care about depiction, discussion, or other mentions of sexual activites. They may or may not engage in sexual activities themselves.
Sex Favorable
Sex Favorability is when someone is perfectly comfortable with depiction, discussion, or other mentions of sexual activities. Some sex favorable asexuals are more likely to engage in sexual activities themselves.
Sexual Activity
As mentioned above, there are Asexual people who are still sexually active. This can be confusing to people, because the common assumption is that all Asexuals hate sex. This assumption is wrong. Not only do some Asexuals who lack attraction entirely still engage in sexual activities, this assumption also forgets people under the Umbrella who still sometimes feel attraction.
What is Libido?
The main source of confusion about Asexuals is the fact that most people do not know the difference between sexual attraction and libido, so let me break it down for you:
Sexual Attraction
Sexual attraction is when you look at a person and have sexual thoughts or urges about them, whether that be consciously or subconsciously. It is always aimed at a specific person, and is generally in response to how they look. This can generally be defined as thinking someone is "hot" or "sexy".
In food terms, this might be equated to advertising. Say you see an advertisement for a McDouble or a Whopper and think, wow, I could use one of those right now; you don't want any old fast food burger, you want that specific burger you just saw on the TV.
Sex Drive, or Libido
Sex drive is your body’s natural urge to engage in sexual activites. This is a very generalized urge and is not aimed at anyone specific.
In food terms, this might be equated to a sense of hunger. Your stomach is empty, you want food; your body does not care what dish you eat, you just want to eat.
Sexually Active Aces
Aces may be sexually active for any number of reasons, including but not limited to:
1. They want to use it as a way to be more intimate with their partner, emotionally or physically
2. They experience a libido and want to satisfy it
3. They simply enjoy the sensations and feelings that come with it
4. They are comfortable with sex and do not personally crave it, but engage in it to satisfy or bring pleasure to a partner